small, everyday

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Finishing out this 31 Days series with one last entry from my caregiving journal. Thank you for reading along. This has been a special month for me as I took some time to reflect on and celebrate 5 years as a caregiver!

8/25/2013

After church & Wheatfields and another feast with family, I get a call informing me that Mr. Al is in the hospital, and probably won’t make it through the night. So who knows what tomorrow’s shift may bring. [It was a special, quiet, sacred kind of day, caring for a new widow, just “being there,” giving hugs, making breakfast, getting her to nap.] And I break down and cry in the car [I do this more often than I realized, oh dear] because it’s hard, and because it brings it all back, and in this moment I also cry for Miss Trish. I miss her. Simply because she loved me and I loved her and she was so kind to me. It’s so sad.

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I do get attached, and I do have a hard time saying goodbye, and I do grieve and ache. I don’t think I would change any of that. It is hard. I do feel lonely and afraid and not as safe, when I lose one of these dear elders who made my life more OK and stable.

I have one of Mr. Al’s shirts in the back of my car, half mended. And it is in small, everyday ways that I love my people. In small, everyday things, their memory is brought back to me. How they impacted me in the grand scheme, in the deep themes, in the living.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

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