It’s rainy and cool here today. Got me thinking about this, written from a valley in my life. It isn’t easy to revisit, but I can look back and see how this time was foundational for me. It’s why I believe in surrounding myself with God’s Word, including putting it in my heart.
I’m not actually afraid of the pain itself. The worst thing is fighting against the side effects of pain and depression. When I’m holding down pain all day, it’s really annoying to have headaches and stress and excess emotions. I don’t like being that emotional. I cry every night. This is not normal; it is a sign of depression, I read on the internet, and more tears spring into my eyes. Also I have never in my life had trouble sleeping at night, until now. I feel paralyzed and hopeless. There isn’t anything I can do.
But I finally came to the point where I did do something. I wrote out, on index cards, a bunch of verses (especially from Psalms). I covered my mirror and a large part of the walls in my room with them.
Guard me as the apple of Your eye;
hide me in the shadow of Your wings. –Psalm 17:8 (NLT)
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe. – Psalm 4:8 (NIV)
But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you. –Psalm 5:11-12 (NIV)
Neither physically or spiritually hungry, I was having lots of trouble really taking in nourishment, but being faced with verses all the time helped me to take them to heart. It really was like a life-giving medicine, or a gentle soup.